Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
