this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
