ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
