Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
