My room smells like vodka and shame
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
