Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
