You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
