Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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