Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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