Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Your dad touched me again.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize