just come out here and I will go home with you...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
