Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
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It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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