Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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