I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need to calm my uterus...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
