Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
