Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
