You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
