Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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