Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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