I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
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Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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