can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize