my phone needs a breathalizer
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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