i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
