no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
