Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Houston, we have a squirter
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
