I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
