i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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