C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize
