i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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