Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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