so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
