Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
