I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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