she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
