Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
