Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
