At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
