I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
