Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
