I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
