i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
