You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
