i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
