Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
