some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
