Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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