You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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