I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize