I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
