is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
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You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize