What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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