i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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