I just cut my nipple shaving
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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