I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
