foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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