can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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