I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
