i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
