If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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