Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
