Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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