I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
