I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
