Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
