I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
