but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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