yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
