I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
