Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
