so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Randomize
