Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
