I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Drunk is a universal language darling
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
