cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
