I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
