went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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