What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
