You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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