My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
