I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
