Plan B is the new Plan A
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
