Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
