it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
